The Incomplete Cynic

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Karen Mangiacotti: The Penis Mom

It all started way back in early November, when my 13-year-old’s teacher sent an email to parents saying they were doing a little Pumpkin Chunkin’ — this is a very cool physics project where the kids launch pumpkins with a trébuchet. Awesome. Except the email asked for help setting up the trébuchet. Help from dads. That’s right, dads. Are there any strong dads who can help? So if you know me, you know I’m cautious. I sat down at my computer to check the facts, first looking at the calendar to see what year we were in — yep, still 2011. So with time-travel ruled out, we were only left with the possibility that we had somehow slipped into an alternate universe, one where teachers have giant balls. Balls clearly big enough to toss such gender-biased questions out into the wind without concern for where they might land. And thus began my verbal rant. I am uncertain how long it lasted, however when I finally came up for air my husband/editor had made dinner, cleaned up, and put the kids to bed.

At that point, I sat down to respond to the email. 

Dear teachers and parents:

Are you guys seriously only asking for Dads?

Is lifting done with a penis?

Thoughtfully yours,

- Karen

[…]

Parents were horrified. Who knew this might happen? Not us. OK, we probably knew — but seriously? Asking exclusively for dads to help is offensive on so many levels to me. I am freakishly strong and could mount a trébuchet with the best of them [Editor’s note: Um, honey, you don’t actually mount a trébuchet]. As someone who was a single mom for a good long time, I take issue with the assumption that every home has a dad to contribute. But most of all, I resent the message we are giving to our daughters that because of their gender, they are unwelcome to participate in physical tasks — that they are not strong enough and that only a man qualifies. I resent the message to all our children that we judge the value of contribution based on sex and not competence. What the hell year is this? I better double-check that.

Still 2011.

So, I received a slap-on-the-wrist email about how correspondence should be g-rated because some of the students are on the email list. I was slightly confused by this because, in my mind, “penis” is g-rated. Honestly, I would love to have been more colorful — but that would have been inappropriate. I was also slightly confused because it seemed perfectly OK with everyone to send socially regressive requests out that diminish our girl’s sense of worth, but they are now circling the wagons because I used the word penis? To thirteen-year-olds? Really?

I have a general distaste of feminism, but I’m totally onboard with this sentiment.

Filed under feminism

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Women have a right to drink. We have a right to drink as much as we want and we have a right to drink as much as we want without being raped. But just as we warn each other that certain neighborhoods are safer in daylight than others, why is it that some feminist activists have a tough time warning other women that women who drink — but not to the point of being intoxicated — will in fact be safer from a variety of crimes, including being mugged, than women who drink to extremes? Why is saying that out loud without fear of retribution not an option for any of us who identify as feminists, or anyone else who doesn’t want to be vilified? I’m not advocating that we become a society who never drinks. But we should work towards being a society where people — of both genders — are both encouraged and educated to drink responsibly.

Keli Goff: Why Are Feminists Afraid to Admit the Connection Between Alcohol and Rape?

This might be the first time I’ve ever agreed with Keli Goff.

Filed under safety feminism rape

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Men Don't Recognize 'Benevolent' Sexism: Study

They were also asked to record subtler actions that many would consider harmless: men calling women “girls, ” complimenting them on stereotypically feminine behavior and sheltering them from more “masculine” tasks. Swim and Becker described this less obvious sexism to participants as “benevolent sexism,” a term coined by psychologists Peter Glick and Susan Fiske in a 1996 study to refer to “a paternalistic attitude towards women that idealizes them affectionately,” Glick told The Huffington Post.

You’ve gotta f**king kidding…

Filed under sexism feminism crazy

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One of the articles in today’s Daily Brief from HuffPo carried this blurb:

Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand: Empowering America’s Women

When women earn more, families are stronger and children have better access to quality health care and education. We must close the chronic wage gap that shortchanges women.

She’s wrong, and on both ends.

The most clearly obvious problem is that money doesn’t make families stronger, no matter who’s earning it. Some people are convinced that money can solve almost everything, and what can’t be solved with money can be solved with education. It’s simply a fantasy; no amount of money will strengthen a family.

And if you want kids to have access to quality health care and education, it’s not about women earning more, it’s about parents earning more. Childless women earning more doesn’t do a damn thing for kids access to these things, and when fathers earn more (particularly single fathers) their kids get access to better things, too.

Filed under feminism fauxminism family liberals

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Carrie Lukas: There Is No Male-Female Wage Gap - WSJ.com

Recent studies have shown that the wage gap shrinks—or even reverses—when relevant factors are taken into account and comparisons are made between men and women in similar circumstances. In a 2010 study of single, childless urban workers between the ages of 22 and 30, the research firm Reach Advisors found that women earned an average of 8% more than their male counterparts. Given that women are outpacing men in educational attainment, and that our economy is increasingly geared toward knowledge-based jobs, it makes sense that women’s earnings are going up compared to men’s.

Filed under pay equity wage gap feminism

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Do we believe our daughters are strong enough?

I keep hearing people ranting about Abby Sunderland’s parents, saying things like, “You don’t let a sixteen-year-old, who doesn’t have adult thought processes, go around the world on a sailboat!” and, “The ocean is not a playground.”

They conveniently ignore the fact that her brother did it last year, presumably on a similar boat, at 17, and he’s not even youngest to have done it! Abby wasn’t “playing”, and she didn’t go out unprepared. She and her brother and parents knew exactly what was in store, and what it would take to succeed.

She didn’t actually succeed, but does that mean it was a bad decision to try? It was dangerous (still is, since she hasn’t been rescued yet), but does that mean it’s not worth it to try?

Life involves risk. Scratch that, greatness involves risk. You can live just fine without over venturing anything of value. But if you want to achieve something, you have to take some risks.

Someone said earlier that we’ve become so accustomed to mediocrity - in this case referring to the inability of most 16-year-olds to both walk and breathe at the same time - that we ignore exceptionalism. She said that Abby and her parents believed that this goal was in her grasp, and decided to try.

The response: “If she has to be rescued, was it really in her grasp?” Of course it was! Just because you don’t achieve something doesn’t mean you were incapable. had she come through the storm with mast intact she’d still be on her way. Would we still be so upset?

My question is, how much of this has to do with the fact that it’s Abby and not Adam. Would there be as much criticism if a 16-year-old boy were out there? I’m inclined to say no, since I didn’t hear a word about her brother’s journey, making him the youngest person to sail nonstop around the world (solo), or about the kid who took the record from him. Are we talking about the relative merits of their journeys?

I think that Abby’s parents know best the risks, and know best if their daughter is able. And I hope they encourage her to try again.

Filed under feminism parenting sailing news mediocrity excellence